I am always thinking, "what if"? I am always asking unnecessary questions. What if the world ended today? What if I don't graduate high school? What if my mom just forgets about me, and never comes back? What if I didn't lock the door, and everything I cherish gets stolen? What causes these "what ifs"? Why are they there? It is OCD and I'm trapped in its world, or is it trapped in mine? This picture represents the question: "what gets in the way of your success at school"? It doesn't answer the question because with OCD, there are no answers, only questions. That's how I look at it. This is how I feel about my OCD; that there are no answers and I'll never get better, I'll only get worse.

The picture is of a row of locks, but it just isn't about locks. These locks can represent security, paranoia, the never-ending locking and checking rituals. The blurred lock represents how out of place I feel. I know I'm very different from my other peers, and I check and check and unlock, lock, and check again, and still the whole day I think in the back of my mind, "did I lock that door?" I am the green lock. I am distant from everyone. They don't want to deal with me, and I don't want to deal with them. I am in this box labeled OCD; in a corner, covered in dust, and mold.

Everyday the box just gets smaller and smaller, and no one stops by to get me out. They just laugh, point, and walk away to leave me. They laugh at this soul-sucking disorder; where all you want to do some days is die, just so you don't have to worry. They walk on cracks in the floor, and I step over them. They eat whatever they want, and I stick to packaged, un-touched foods. They think about the latest gossip, and I think about the uneven strings on my hoodie. I live in their world of carelessness, and I do everything I can to survive. I am like an animal in its wrong habitat. If they knew how alone I feel, and how scared I am everyday maybe they'll understand, and maybe they'll stop laughing. My future without OCD is like a rainbow. I can see it, but I know I'll never reach it.